Saturday Nights All Right

Last night....

So Ross's GF has been away since Wednesday. Ross has been out every night since, often on his own, mainly just going to strip clubs and being a total degenerate.

Himself and Mal went out on Friday. Mal woke up Saturday asleep on his stairs, with no phone, no keys, no watch and no wallet. He managed to get back into his house where he immediately emailed me to go drinking... Being the good friend that I am I rush to his side in this hour of need!

We meet Ross at 3pm... we start on cider and migrate quickly to Rose, don't ask, and vodka and sodas. Ever since he got serious with his GF Ross has gone mad... He is trying so hard to be faithful but basically he just represses himself and then explodes in madness every few weeks.

At 6pm me and Ross go to grab food, we end up sitting beside these two chicks in the restraint... I begin sh!t talk. I remember I am patting to one girl on the head like a dog, scratching behind her ears telling her how good it feels to submit to her superiours... she agrees... Girls are AWESOME !!!! We take chicks to bar, meet Mal, start drinking Long Island Ice Teas and I lose memory... It's about 8 or 9.

Mal says at one stage in one of the bars Ross exclaims in pure joy "This is it Mal... This is the happiest I've ever been!!!! The crackling of fun, the sparkling effervescence of the drinks, the life, the girls all around!!! "

1am and I come to, me and Ross are in my place with our two lady friends and we are trying to get my room mate, who is baked out of his mind, to go to bed... I take the one chick to my room and she starts freaking out about her husband... Clearly she doesn't realise I am a scum-bag and couldn't care less... So I try a few manuevres here and there, nothing doing with this one, I rack my brains for the answer to this riddle and decide that some old fashioned caveman force is the best way to go... It wasn't. I know guys, WTF !?!?!

So we f*ck around there for a while, me getting nowhere. Then she wants to go... FFS. I mean this is the chance of a lifetime for this girl!!! What the hell is wrong with her? Anyhoo she breaks into the kitchen and tells her pal she wants to leave. Ross jumps up in unison with his sisters "Yeah! We're out of here!". LOL

I say f*ck it and go to sleep... Ross goes to theirs, bangs the one chick (he said he made her gag on his manhood). So while listening to this the other geebag decides she does want to get laid, tries to call me (to no avail I am unconsious), leaves a half hour message about wanting me to call over. But of course I am out for the count.

Now if there is something to be learned here its surely this... Always stay in until the end. No matter what!! I already knew that... Most of the time just being there at the end of the night will get you laid. Well I guess my handling of her trepidation about getting banged could have been better also, but hey...

When I meet up with the guys later, Ross said he went home after and has a wank even though his balls was killing him (or so he says anyway). Then he tells us he is going to ask his GF to marry him. Mal woke up in a random bar, on his own, asleep on one of the tables at 6am... I watched a lot of porn and rued my missed opportunity... Oh Well !!!!

Whales baby !!!

Its Friday...

We hit for Wales! Ross, Mal and myself set off like a pack of wild dogs, blazing a trail of awesome in our wake!

We get hammered on the train, get shitfaced in some bars, talk to some hideous chicks, get tossed from some strip clubs (Ross's fault), all get lost independently in the middle of Cardiff, somehow make it back to the hotel... All bodies accounted for in the morning... Day 1 is stamped and approved!! OH YEAH BABY !!!!

Saturday

12 bells and we start drinking.... by 2pm we are on double rounds. There are a surprising amount of people in this bar. There are a ton of old chicks and they are giving Ross the eye. They can sense we are about to get plastered and start to circle in on him.

I decide I want no part of this. But whats this behind us ?!? Chicks 2x, they are young and soft and supple and hot. I start a yakking !!! I have no idea what I am talking about other than sex... I am talking absolute filth to these chicks. I am talking about choking chicks out when I bang them and one chick trying to strangle me unconscious. Mal jumps in, he takes up where I left off...

I focus on the one, the less cute of the two, I am talking so much filth that this poor innocent girl begins to buckle... I can see it in their eyes, she needs to be put out of her misery... She tries to playfully punch me. I grab her arm and drive it up behind her back (not enough to actually her weirdos). I pull her in close to me in a violent motion... She tries to kiss me... I push her back. Game on boyeeeeeeeee !!!

I tell her to come outside for some fresh air... She comes, the I just walk her to my hotel room and bang the life out of her. Its 5pm, I am awesome. 1 hour later Mal arrives into his room with the other chick... He is awesome!!!

At 7pm we managed to reconvene. So off we went to the strip club... What a wonderful way to top off a wonderful day. Unfortunately we were met with quite the shock when we got to the strip club...

Bouncer: "Hey, YOU, *pointing to Ross* you must be joking if you think you are coming in here again after what you did last night!!"

Us: *shocked for half a second* "Where's the nearest bar?"

Bouncer: *Points up the street*

Us: *Run to nearest bar*

So we barge in the door of this bar... We start on the shots immediately. Mal starts talking to two chicks... These two are not the best to be perfectly honest... I don't care. Ten minutes later one of them is jacking me off in the bar and Mal is kissing the other. Ross is in the DJ box OBLITERATED.... I lost memory here...

Great day :D

I think I might...

Start posting here again...

Going out and getting laid is not top of my to do list at the moment. In fact these days I am pretty decent now and don't tend to have much of a problem getting laid when I feel like it...

Hows ever there are still some funny happenings taking place so I might as well post em up!

Stay tuned you f*cks! :)

Lately I've been...

1.) Keeping pretty quiet, what with the inflationary depression we are in and all.

2.) Banging chicks off match.com, once you meet them its just toooooooooo easy. Need to work on getting my meet percentages up though.

3.) Being awesome.

4.) Watching too much porn, may have to ban this actually...

5.) Growing a magnificent goatee, its electric copper in color. Like the golden fleece only its kind of ginger !

6.) Leaning lots about economics.

7.) Playing Street Fighter 4, may have to ban this also

8.) Playing guitar.

9.) Honing my jiu jitsu skills.

10.) Being awesome.

The End!

Readers Letters

Word up amigos!

I've been sick the last week and a half... Not like proper dying sick but like really shitty and just sick enough not to be able to go training or do anything useful! Boooo ! Oddly enough this affliction came upon me just as I grew an AMAZING goatee! I am now convinced that the AMAZING goatee has drained me of all my precious resources and shattered my immune system. I tried to fix this last Saturday by getting SMASHED... Oddly enough this didn't work and here I am.

So as seen as I am not doing anything else I will take this time to answer a couple of questions I had in the post that CJ linked to... The one about blondzilla.

Without further ado

Bolo said...

I'd like to hear more about the pre-sex speech and what frames you set up.

Sometimes before you skedaddle back to your place these chicks seem to come to their senses and realize they are about to go home with a stranger, I think you could refer to this as "going out of state". They kinda pull back a little bit so basically if you detect that just tell them that nothing is going to happen that she doesn't want to happen. My exact words are usually.

"Look, nothing is going to happen that we both don't want to happen... I like you... Let's go."

These are the major frames. I don't really set them up as such, they are already there, I just focus on them the most.

1.) I am awesome

2.) She likes me

3.) I like her, she is fun and friendly

4.) She is sexy and she is trying to corrupt me

5.) She is awesome for some other reason, for instance blondzilla was super smart

6.) I can't take it anymore, she has corrupted me and now she is going to get it

The most important one and over all theme is that she is SUPER horny. Either I step up and make this happen or her poor hairbrush is going to coochville avenue once again.

pick up artist said...

Connor it's great to see you're making progress but there is something brash about your writing. I suggest you work on making your lifestyle a bit more attractive to prevent all this 'resistance' you're getting. If you work on this enough, it'll be the girl that's trying to push you into the cab.

FUCK YOU! BRASH MY ASS !! I dunno I think the resistance I got here was pretty normal... She is just about to go home with someone she met about an hour ago. I would be worried if she had no emotion calling her in here.

Anyway, great read.

Thanks

Anonymous said...

Previous poster, plz stop talkin like that. Well done Connor. He basically had a bit confidence, pushed through all the bullshit and fucked the girl. All the rest is a load of bollocks. Nice one man! ;)

Thanks dude! YEAH pick up artist that THAT! How dare you cast aspersions upon my endless brilliance!

Shake it easy Dudes !

Who am I?

Here is a conversation I had with Mal the other day on msn. Its interesting I feel and some important ideas (to my mind at least) were brought up. Mainly about giving ourselves identities and the futile nature of the rationalized self image. Started with Mal saying that he is generally passive and citing examples...

===================================================================

Mal : i dunno.....generally not.....if on a wkd urself or Jake etc don't want to go out....ill just say...fair enough and see if the other lads are around...and do whatever they do......its rare I'm the organiser........

I noticed this when Annie gave out that i never went out with her....i was like WTF......but because she'd never suggest anything, we never did anything....cos id just go along with whatever...and if nothing was suggested id go home

Actually for future reference I've noted that because in a relationship, to keep the balance right, as the guy, you have to be more assertive and organise stuff.

Connor: Now I don't want to disagree with you here however I will say this. I think giving yourself an identity out of things you have done is the path to the dark side *oh the terror* !!!

Like your kinda giving yourself a self image to live up to. I mean if we take the last trip to Spain you were the one organising everything! I remember the last night me you and Jake were out you dragged us all into ferns and none of us were making any shapes to do anything. I don't keep track of these things but there are LOTS of examples of this I am sure and you could just as easily take those examples and say "I have much more get up and go than any of the rest of the lads"!

Mal: possibly....I'm not always in the background

Connor: its all subjective and I personally think its not in our best interests to make rationalised identities out of past actions

Mal: But i am passive....more so than lets say you or Ross would be

Connor: That's your conscious mind saying that.

Mal: true

Connor: I would have said I am more passive than you. Things are what they are. Sometimes you do things, sometimes you don't. If you start making an identity out of some your past actions you'll end up acting that way all the time.

Mal: true

Connor: Its all in your head like. We're all guilty of that. Ross is a perfect example... He pure just goes and makes up stories when there is a contradiction between what he has done and who he thinks he is.

Personally (not that I f*cking know anything really) I try to keep that to a minimum... Cos you are what you do, not what you think. The more you start thinking you are a certain way the more you will act that way and its more than likely based on nothing but faulty rationalisations. Then when you do something to contradict that you'll just give yourself a headache from all the cognitive dissonance.

Here is a good example. Back in Uni I told myself I was the type of guy who didn't show off right away to girls but as they got to know me more I would show them more of my personality <- I used to tell myself that. lol. complete nonsense! I was just shyte socially and rationalised out that little piece of brilliance so I had a good excuse.

Mal: yes but Connor...if i don't blame everybody else for what happens when I'm out, I'm left with the possibility that i might be somewhat responsible for what happens and that some of it may in fact actually be my fault....and that's just a ridiculous scenario!

Connor: LOL

Mal: So I'm going to keep on blaming everyone else and live happily ever after

Connor: I find you can get around that by shifting blame to your subconscious

Mal: Is my subconscious called Crazy Horse?

Connor: LOL! I don't think CH has a conscious. He just does stuff! Its mad though. Its like the logical me who thinks about stuff and then the animal me that actually does shit. The logical me just watches what happens and then goes "f*ck me... that was cool/ terrible, I wonder why i did that"

===============================================================================

If you look at something like the framing that CJ does, it follows a similar mechanism. You get the girl to give herself and identity out of something she has done in the past. Early in the interaction this may be that she is very friendly and laid back and about five minutes later it will be that she is very sexual.

I try my best not to do that to myself because the truth is we have no idea what we are doing, its pure subconscious behaviour patterns based on evolutionary benefits. When you rationalise it you will always try to make yourself seem nice and in control. We are but imperfect apes, we are afraid of the dark and we are afraid to die. We want to pass on our genes and we want our genes to survive. We are so lucky that we have a logical mind also, if we just use it to lie to ourselves its just a waste. Just try your best not to hurt anyone and have fun, you only live once.

If you're interested, these are some of the books that made me draw this conclusion

• The selfish gene
• The red Queen
• Tricks of the mind
• How your mind works
• The Blank Slate

I love in the Derren Brown clip where poor Judy is trying to rationalise why she picked 'A'. A for Awesome!

The attack of Blondzilla !

OK douches, let me set the scene

Myself, Jake, Mal and Ross all out rampaging through town like a hurricane of brilliance! We are all pretty toasted and find ourselves in a late bar. The time is 1am.

In walk the barmaids from our favourite bar! Then are on us immediately... COOL! They fucking love us for some reason. I am wearing a pretty faggoty top and they are all accusing me of being gay!? Can you believe it!? Well I strongly I disagree

"Look since when does fucking guys doesn't make you gay?!" I actually had a whole comedy routine about that but I digress...

Anyway I have no fucking clue what we were saying to them but somewhere in the haze of giggling and nonsense I spot her. Standing 6' 3" in heels, long blond hair and sexy secretary glasses... Blondzilla!!

Over I go, yak yak yak and all of a sudden we are sitting down on a couch and I am complimenting her on how smart she was. Then I told her I thought she was sexy and she should get away from me. Some time later I suggested we go back to my place to watch wedding crashers. Some serious resistance before getting into the taxi but I basically pushed her in and told the taxi driver to go! Had to give the whole "Look nothing is going to happen that we both don't want to happen bla bla bla" speech, this speech is quite effective in disapating negative feelings about the pull actually.

So into Chateau Connor we go... Of course I don't even own wedding crashers so we convened in my room to watch some video on youtube. Pushed her onto the bed and made out some. Stopped watched the video and slammed blondzilla back on the bed. She was towering over me. Pretty funny. Well Guess what!? I encountered a mountain of resistance to sex! Earlier in my career I would have gotten frustrated, pushed too hard and fucked it up... However after the previous nights revelations I was just thinking to myself.... "Well this chick is horned out of her mind and basically its a battle between me and her fucking hair brush so the odds are definitely with me, I am just going to wait this one out until she breaks"

And I am glad to say after a quick nap she did... and all of a sudden transformed in a Wild Cat of sexual desire! Lots of fun for Connor... yay!

She was actually a really cool girl too. Had a good laugh with her the next day... Didn't bother calling her again. Don't know why really, just couldn't be arsed I suppose.

Watching Star Wars here now (the old ones not the catastrophic nonsense that was the prequels). The story at its core revolves around a central character, Luke. Due to some seemingly random events a whole galaxy of wonder, adventure and possibility opens up in front of him. Love movies like that. Sometimes I kinda feel like that myself. Life is fun.

Connor