Last night....
So Ross's GF has been away since Wednesday. Ross has been out every night since, often on his own, mainly just going to strip clubs and being a total degenerate.
Himself and Mal went out on Friday. Mal woke up Saturday asleep on his stairs, with no phone, no keys, no watch and no wallet. He managed to get back into his house where he immediately emailed me to go drinking... Being the good friend that I am I rush to his side in this hour of need!
We meet Ross at 3pm... we start on cider and migrate quickly to Rose, don't ask, and vodka and sodas. Ever since he got serious with his GF Ross has gone mad... He is trying so hard to be faithful but basically he just represses himself and then explodes in madness every few weeks.
At 6pm me and Ross go to grab food, we end up sitting beside these two chicks in the restraint... I begin sh!t talk. I remember I am patting to one girl on the head like a dog, scratching behind her ears telling her how good it feels to submit to her superiours... she agrees... Girls are AWESOME !!!! We take chicks to bar, meet Mal, start drinking Long Island Ice Teas and I lose memory... It's about 8 or 9.
Mal says at one stage in one of the bars Ross exclaims in pure joy "This is it Mal... This is the happiest I've ever been!!!! The crackling of fun, the sparkling effervescence of the drinks, the life, the girls all around!!! "
1am and I come to, me and Ross are in my place with our two lady friends and we are trying to get my room mate, who is baked out of his mind, to go to bed... I take the one chick to my room and she starts freaking out about her husband... Clearly she doesn't realise I am a scum-bag and couldn't care less... So I try a few manuevres here and there, nothing doing with this one, I rack my brains for the answer to this riddle and decide that some old fashioned caveman force is the best way to go... It wasn't. I know guys, WTF !?!?!
So we f*ck around there for a while, me getting nowhere. Then she wants to go... FFS. I mean this is the chance of a lifetime for this girl!!! What the hell is wrong with her? Anyhoo she breaks into the kitchen and tells her pal she wants to leave. Ross jumps up in unison with his sisters "Yeah! We're out of here!". LOL
I say f*ck it and go to sleep... Ross goes to theirs, bangs the one chick (he said he made her gag on his manhood). So while listening to this the other geebag decides she does want to get laid, tries to call me (to no avail I am unconsious), leaves a half hour message about wanting me to call over. But of course I am out for the count.
Now if there is something to be learned here its surely this... Always stay in until the end. No matter what!! I already knew that... Most of the time just being there at the end of the night will get you laid. Well I guess my handling of her trepidation about getting banged could have been better also, but hey...
When I meet up with the guys later, Ross said he went home after and has a wank even though his balls was killing him (or so he says anyway). Then he tells us he is going to ask his GF to marry him. Mal woke up in a random bar, on his own, asleep on one of the tables at 6am... I watched a lot of porn and rued my missed opportunity... Oh Well !!!!
