This all started with a work organized table quiz (that had free beer) back in like July or something. Started off well, our team was in the lead after 3 rounds. I was doing very well on some of the more obscure questions and was thus rewarding myself with liberal helpings of alcohol.
The whole thing descended in madness by 12am, people were jumping up and down on the tables and falling over hammered drunk. A little while later I found myself inside another bar with Donie(previously mentioned here) and a couple of the work dudes. The bar had shut down at this stage and we were all locked in playing beer pong. There was 2 girls (I use the term girls loosely here) in this place and about 10 guys. One of these girls was almost semi decent looking while the other was a some sort of banshee, surely not of this world!
Well I don't know what the fuck was going on but one of them was apologizing to me for something and I said that I would forgive her if she made out with Donie (which she did). So the two of them were molesting each other like a couple of 14 year olds. And now I was fucking bored like... So I turned around to the beast, who was muttering something to me (probably some sort of hex), and declared
"You know you're lucky your friend is here..."
"Why's that" it growled
"Cos otherwise I would fuck you until you cried"
Huzzah, I had silenced the monster. Take that she devil! Then the beast looked at me... A fire raged in its lifeless eyes. I am thinking "Fuck!". Next thing the creature made a lunge for me! WTF!?! The vile beast was trying to suck my life force from my mouth!
Quick as a flash your hero grabbed the devil by the hair and yanked it's head back.
"Oh Yes" It cried
"I have a boyfriend but he doesn't know what I really want... not like you"
I quickly grabbed a cross and jammed it into her flesh! AWAY BEAST AWAY! Well either that or I made out with her... I'm not sure but what's the difference among friends, right? All of a sudden she grabbed my hands and thrust them onto her throat...
"The gargoyle wants me to put it out of its misery" I thought. So I attempted to vanquish her for once and for all, I begin choking the fiend staring right into her eyes...
"ssshhhh beast sssshhhh It will all be over soon"
Alas she only seemed to be deriving more power from this. Soon we are outside and the brute is attempting to destroy my trusty penis with her hand! I pray for forgiveness from our Lord PDP as I fear the end is nigh.
Just when all hope seemed lost I look over the horizon? Whats this ?!? By Fuck its the sun! The monster cowered in disgust at the wholesome rays and scurried back to her layer screaming piercing shrills of agony.
Safe once again...
Well either that happened or I choked her lots, got a hand job off her outside, she gave me her number (which I promise I didn't want) and left as she had to catch a flight early in the morning. Again I'm not really sure, I had a lot of drinks but it was definitely one of those two scenarios.
Anyway, boys and girls, the moral of this story is that people like excitement when it comes to sex. I was reading The Daily Romp there about a dude who was boring in bed and it reminded me that a lot of people don't know that. I didn't really until that day.
