How long will he last?

Ross reckons he is staying off drink for the next 6 weeks. Myself and Mal thought that very amusing and immediately started making bets as to how long he would last. We couldn't actually bet though because none of us reckon he will last past this Saturday. Ross is brilliant with girls, he really does go after and routinely get the 9s and 10s (looks wise anyway)... however without the aid of severe inebriation he is almost useless. He has no idea what he does to get them. Oddly enough I know exactly what he does and why it works but that's cos I've been studying attraction for a good while now. 

Mal and himself were having an old chinwag on msn there today and it went a little something like this...

"I'm going for a long lunch soon…gym…then swim and a sauna…legs are sore after running the last 2 nights,  then out for a few beers tonight"

his reply was

"What!?! All them dead calories and money thrown away and hangovers and wasting the next day and a lie in and bubbles and the cool crisp taste and the banter juices flowing through your veins and the laughter and happiness and the world being full of single women and I am good looking and strong and fast and my jokes are amazingly funny and i love breasts especially those shiny tanned ones and wow i like pizza too and facebook is the best isn't it and yeah i live that way too and sure why not share a taxi and of course i won't try anything if you come in for a quick night cap and I know you didn't plan on doing this when you got in that cab and yes i realise you clearly don't usually do this with guys you meet on the first night and I'm not sure if i have any left and sure I'll pull it out in time and oops and zzzz and before you go you wouldn't mind just... and get up your taxi's here and take care now and zzzz and lads it was so funny, she thought my name was "Sebastian" the whole night! and yes defo on for a few for the Utd game....

I AM SO FRICKEN JEALOUS!!! RAAAAAAAGGGHH!!"

No *WAY* he will last past Saturday !

To love others you must.....

Well I've come to the conclusion that Ross is bat shit crazy. So I mentioned before that he was seeing a really cool and stunningly hot girl with the last few months. Sounds good, right? WRONG !! Its a fucking travesty ! And the best bit, due to the fact that she is actually great, is listening to him invent stuff to complain about. Its brilliant ! For instance

Ross:  "Oh she's sooo old looking!" *she is 30 by the way*

Me:  "What are you talking about? She's gorgeous !"

Ross: "No, look in her eyes. They are withered"

Me:  "No they're not, she looks like she could pass for early 20s"

Ross: "Yeah but *IN* her eyes!"

Me: *thinking to myself* "LOL! Holy fuck he is mental!"

I have to say I almost respect that level of dementia. Mal was telling me that his ex-GF who he stayed with for years used to punch him in the face on a semi regular basis and with hold sex from him. Well he kept coming back for more there so I guess that's what he wants. I think we all have a little bit of self loathing or something, its just especially funny and evident in his case. Although not quite as evident as crazy horse, who I am convinced at this stage might actually pass as certifiably mad. You know I can't say anything really, the thought of an actual real relationship frightens the bejesus out of me. Yuck! All loved up like some fucking tree hugging hippie, no thanks !

I have a date tonight with a cute American girl. Wish me luck readers !

The one you know as Connor