Connor Visits Crazy Horse Part 1

Day 1: 

I arrive into NYC at 19:00. Myself and Crazy Horse, both being of sound, mind decide that we should take it easy on the first night so we rock up to Crazy Horses Local... Details of events are vague but this is what appears to have happened. 

After drinking somewhere in the region of 10 pints and 12 shots I am on top of the bar trying to access the taps and hug the barmaid (who is a monstrosity). Crazy Horse has fallen asleep on the bar and his pal Eddie is trying to wake him up.

I get into a heated argument with this absolute bitch of an old lady from Ireland, called Maeve, about genetic replication and natural selection as a catalyst for evolution. The argument went something like this. 

Maeve: It's really nice to meet someone from Ireland over here! So where at home are you from Connor?

Connor: Look Meave how else do you explain whats happening with Swine Flu and other viruses?

Maeve: Where?

Connor: No it happens at the genetic level!!!

Maeve: What are you talking about?

Connor: EVOLUTION Maeve! EVOLUTION!!!

I showed her.

After sharpening my debating skills it decided it was time for a round of those things Charlotte drinks in Sex and the City. And sure enough the Barmaid is obliging! I skull down mine, delicious! Crazy Horse throws a shot of Jameson into his, takes a sip, then looks at the barmaid like someone had kicked him in the balls. 

"I'm not drinking that... It's DISGUSTING !"

Before he finished his sentence I fired it down the hatch and tried to get behind the bar once again.

Next thing I am told is that I was outside throwing garbage cans down at basement apartments as crazy horse is hurling his guts out. 

Sometime after this I have my first clear memory of the night. It involves me dangling from a 6ft cast iron spiked fence around a old church by one of my pant legs. Crazy Horse had bounded over the thing, with what to my drunken mind looked, like a Gazelle. Next thing I know two local police are on the scene!

Policeman #1 : "What the hell is going on here? This is private property !"

Crazy Horse : ..... (Crazy Horse had slipped into what appeared to be some sort of standing coma)

Connor : (As I dangled from this fucking fence, my favourite jeans torn to shit) Yeah... I tried to take a short cut. It didn't work.

Policeman #1 & #2 : LOL

Crazy Horse: PIZZA !

Once Police man lifted me up by the free leg and the other one unhooked me. Then the sent us on our merry way! BOO YA! 

If there is a lesson here somewhere its that when dealing with police... always agree with them and make it look like you are a harmless idiot (which in my case is pretty easy).

Day 2 was actually quiet after the madness of the night before and doesn't contain any wisdom for your greedy little minds! Day 3 and 4 I'll write up soon...