This is the summer time!

The weather in London is kick Ass right now and although I expect that to last for about ZERO more days(approx) everything is coming up Milhouse . 

1.) I am out chasing girls lots again, have curtailed my drinking to a reasonable extent and am flush with a renewed awesomeness (although suffering from quite a whack of AA)!!

2.) Ross is studying for some actuary exams or something so I am (almost) free of his (very) bad (yet very fun) influence.

3.) Mal broke up with his GF a few weeks back and is actively on the pull again .

4.) Right now, Jake is on something of a roll and has slept with 2 new girls in the last 2 weeks taking his tally since he moved in to 6, which is actually quite a lot considering he has about as much game as a flock of useless! One of the girls came down to the flat a few nights back and accosted him with a fine selection of dildos, lube and some shit I never even heard of that you place on your Bernhard Langer that has some vibrator attached to it or some shit. AWESOME! 

Of the 6 girls, 1 has been from cold approach.

The 4 of us were out together again Saturday for the first time in forever and to cut a long story short Jake railed one of the barmaids out of our favourite watering hole... The fiend!

I also got laid that night and I will write up the details in the next few days... 

Peace out hombres...

Connor Visits Crazy Horse Part Deux

Day 3

Right, so after the day of rest taken on the second day we were ready to rock and roll once more! To celebrate this glorious day of holy gloriousness Crazy Horse took some brownies. Then he broke the brownies and said...

"Take this all of you and eat it, for all of ye who eat this brownie shall be very stoned"

And so all the disciples took the brownies and ate it.

After this Crazy Horse took some beer and he blessed it. He said

"Take this all of you and drink it"

And so all the disciples took the beer and they drank it and then watched some seriously awesome kung fu movies.

No I usually don't engage in much THC based revelry and brownies are indeed a tricky beast... You see they don't kick in for a few hours... I didn't know that and although I am sure crazy horse was well aware he didn't care and we stuffed our little faces full of the nutritious brownies.

Cut to a few hours later and I am baked out of my fucking mind. We were in some bar and Crazy Horses pals were trying to talk to me but I was just sitting there staring at the table. I remember trying to talk to girls but I can't... Its like they're there and I'm there and words were coming out of my mouth but there was nothing there... Then me and crazy horse fell asleep in a bar and that brought day 3 to an end

Day4 

Up bright and early at 10am... Immediately we down shots of bushmills hit the old rock band and begin a day of drunken mayhem. I don't know what happened next but we did end up in some German bar where myself and crazy horse down a couple of 2 litre boots... Next thing we are in some bar and crazy horse is trying to make me drink the elixir of PDP (rum and red bull)... Thank fuck I meet this cute maths teacher and make haste out of there with her waking up in staten island the next day! 

And off home with me! Thank fuck!

Clearly the moral of this story is that if you teach a man to fish he will always see a stitch in time! 

Connor Visits Crazy Horse Part 1

Day 1: 

I arrive into NYC at 19:00. Myself and Crazy Horse, both being of sound, mind decide that we should take it easy on the first night so we rock up to Crazy Horses Local... Details of events are vague but this is what appears to have happened. 

After drinking somewhere in the region of 10 pints and 12 shots I am on top of the bar trying to access the taps and hug the barmaid (who is a monstrosity). Crazy Horse has fallen asleep on the bar and his pal Eddie is trying to wake him up.

I get into a heated argument with this absolute bitch of an old lady from Ireland, called Maeve, about genetic replication and natural selection as a catalyst for evolution. The argument went something like this. 

Maeve: It's really nice to meet someone from Ireland over here! So where at home are you from Connor?

Connor: Look Meave how else do you explain whats happening with Swine Flu and other viruses?

Maeve: Where?

Connor: No it happens at the genetic level!!!

Maeve: What are you talking about?

Connor: EVOLUTION Maeve! EVOLUTION!!!

I showed her.

After sharpening my debating skills it decided it was time for a round of those things Charlotte drinks in Sex and the City. And sure enough the Barmaid is obliging! I skull down mine, delicious! Crazy Horse throws a shot of Jameson into his, takes a sip, then looks at the barmaid like someone had kicked him in the balls. 

"I'm not drinking that... It's DISGUSTING !"

Before he finished his sentence I fired it down the hatch and tried to get behind the bar once again.

Next thing I am told is that I was outside throwing garbage cans down at basement apartments as crazy horse is hurling his guts out. 

Sometime after this I have my first clear memory of the night. It involves me dangling from a 6ft cast iron spiked fence around a old church by one of my pant legs. Crazy Horse had bounded over the thing, with what to my drunken mind looked, like a Gazelle. Next thing I know two local police are on the scene!

Policeman #1 : "What the hell is going on here? This is private property !"

Crazy Horse : ..... (Crazy Horse had slipped into what appeared to be some sort of standing coma)

Connor : (As I dangled from this fucking fence, my favourite jeans torn to shit) Yeah... I tried to take a short cut. It didn't work.

Policeman #1 & #2 : LOL

Crazy Horse: PIZZA !

Once Police man lifted me up by the free leg and the other one unhooked me. Then the sent us on our merry way! BOO YA! 

If there is a lesson here somewhere its that when dealing with police... always agree with them and make it look like you are a harmless idiot (which in my case is pretty easy).

Day 2 was actually quiet after the madness of the night before and doesn't contain any wisdom for your greedy little minds! Day 3 and 4 I'll write up soon...