On Saturday my cousin (who also lives in London) married her Scottish Boyfriend of 5 years. The wedding took place in Ireland. Here is a brief overview of my day...
1430 Went to pub beside church, drank 5 amazing pints of Guinness (I hate Guinness in Ireland. It is just too delicious in small country bars, I just can't stop drinking it).
1700 One or two of the Scots were already shitfaced! I went to wedding reception and began operation catch up.
1800 Sat down to meal. I devoured a delightful 4 course feast which included a sumptuous cut of Scottish Angus beef, mouth watering wild Irish smoked salmon, 3 shots of Jameson whiskey(neat), 3 glasses of a slightly demure yet satisfying Australian red and all polished off with a baileys coffee.
2030 At this stage the party was in full flow. Myself and Paddy(my other cousins husband) were hitting the Vodka and Sodas pretty hard.
2200 And libations are on overdrive! I recall Paddy hitting on chicks right in front of his wife and winking over at me while doing it. I thought this was very funny. The father of the bride had hijacked the mic from band and was singing songs for about 30 minutes. He was amazing... not so much his singing ability but rather the fact that he could still stand up considering the state he was in.
0030 Due to Paddy's roving eye and by now total incoherence he had been dragged home by his wife. The next few hours is a blur but I do remember trying to line dance (WTF?) on the main stage to Toto's, most excellent, "I won't hold you back", which I had requested. There was piggy backs, there was sucking helium out of balloons and there was a LOT of jager bombs.
They just don't make em like that anymore
0430 When my brain cells got their act together again a girl was giving out to me because I informed her I had no intention of getting a girlfriend anytime in the near future.
"But Connor, why not?"
"Cos I just want to fuck them... see?"
"OMG thats terrible!!!"
"HAHA YES, yes it is!"
A group of us were still going strong. People were playing guitar and singing Irish and Scottish songs. Some really generous dude was buying champagne for the bridesmaids and the bride. In my drunken wisdom I decided it would be a fabulous idea to drink it for them. ha ! I consciously realized how hammered I was when I tried to play guitar for everyone and slowly figured out that I couldn't quite get my fingers to make the required chords... And I couldn't get the other hand to strum for that matter. Being in similar positions at one or two other points in my life and knowing the best cure for this ailment I decided to drink more jagerbombs.
0530 We all got told to get out of the hotel bar, stop singing and generally clear off. I called my aunt (not at the wedding) who lives near by and requested she come pick me up. And, she actually came and got me. Fair play to Auntie Maggie there! The next day she told me that I kept her up until 7 to lecture her my on new theories regarding evolution and how the conscious mind is little more than a spin doctor, telling us lies to maintain the illusion of being nice and in control. Priceless information that will keep her in good stead for many years to come!
And that, as they say... was that! Nothing too insane, was great fun though!
No comments:
Post a Comment