Just like Rocky IV!

Holy fuck, I don't know where to start with this one! My whole week up to Saturday was pretty awesome. I hit all my targets for the week... Friday I timebridged the two hottest girls in the venue, one right in front of her BF (girls are very mischievous it transpires). On a side note the one with the BF flaked on me and the other one I fucked up on the phone. D'Oh ! Anyhoo, on with the story. So on Saturday Ross, who true to form has decided that he is going to the states and try to get into a porno, told us all he had flaneagled a way to get us into a swanky Kensington night club for free and knew lots of really hot girls that were going also... Sounds awesome!

Now by the time we get there I am lightly toasted after a few aperitifs and had done a couple of mediocre pick up attempts in the bar beforehand (One of the girls was really nice but we got separated by her pals after 10 or 15 minutes and I hadn't got her number by then, fiddlesticks!). So in we go to this club anyway except hold on a second... Ross's contact had been telling some fibs and we can't get in for free at all! 20 scoring pounds each, brilliant! 

The next surprise that awaited me was the price of the alcohol in there. I can only assume the management had gotten hold of my, hastily thrown together, new years resolutions list. Because not only did it cost £20 to get into this shit hole but it cost £10 for a shot of vodka. They must have known I was trying to drink less.... How amazingly thoughtful of them.

We did some mathematics and decided it would be cheaper to buy a whole bottle of vodka (by the way my healthy tip for the year is to drink vodka, soda water with some a little squeeze of lime juice, delicious and low in calories) rather than pay for individual drinks. Plus we got a table when we bought the bottle so it was win win really. At this point all 4 of us are stone broke, huddled around our expensively priced table closely guarding our delicious treasure. All of a fucking sudden some drunken tool came crashing through the crowd, like a paraplegic out of a wheelchair, sending two ugly chicks flying out of the way and entering on a crash course with our table ! BOOOM!!! Time fucking slows down as glass shatters everywhere, it's like the fucking matrix. Instincts kick in and I dodge the shrapnel and dive through the air plucking the bottle of vodka from the sky!! Everyone is amazed as I hold the bottle above my head like I just knocked out George St Pierre with my pinky! Can you say NINJA? 

I'm delighted with myself at this stage and just to make me feel even better the waitress wants to give us a new table and asks us which one we want, suggesting she will clear any other people! I think this is the best thing ever and strut over to a table of girls and simply demanded that they BE GONE ! So I'm shouting at these chicks

"GONE! All of you GONE !!!"

Then turning to the waitress 

"I want these chicks out of here, NOW!"

And the fucking waitress is actually getting rid of them! I can't believe it! This must be what its like to be rich and powerful. I like it!

These chicks are pissed and moaning but I am having none of it! 

"Out of here paupers, I can SMELL the poverty off you"

Sure enough what fucking happens next only one of them spots Ross....

"Ross!"

"Cathrina!"

Oh! So these are the girls we are supposed to meet tonight...  NINJA!

So bad it was actually brilliant